Crazy Love

I have never been a huge Valentine's day person.  In fact, I think I more often make fun of the holiday than I think of it's sweetness.  I think we should be recognizing the love we have for each other every day, not just on a day that is full of over the top flowers, candy, big gestures, etc.  But this year, I decided to get over my distaste for the holiday and just dwell a little bit on the love that the Lord has blessed me with through my husband.  With that said, I have to share a little story with you to give you a taste of the love I share with my husband.  

Two and a half years ago, before my husband and I were even engaged, he was getting ready to go back to graduate school (across the country from me) and he said that he wanted to give me something. He warned me that it was in a jewelry box, but not to get worked up because it wasn't THAT piece of jewelry.  Not knowing what to expect, I opened the box and found this beautiful opal necklace on a delicate gold chain.  I noticed that the box was a bit dusty and that it creaked when I opened it, which was a bit odd- but I did not anticipate the story that explained this mystery.  

When my husband was 12 years old, he went on a trip to Australia with a student group.  Among many activities, they visited an opal factory.  The factory explained how these are not the same as the opals you will find in the U.S.- that they are of a higher quality.... okay, let's be honest I can't remember the rest of that explanation, but it's not the point of the story.  My husband continued this story telling me how he knew he was going to buy a necklace for his aunt (because his uncle asked him to), and his mother, but then he told me how he wanted to buy a third one for a more personal reason.  He decided that he wanted to buy another opal necklace to give to his future wife some day.  umm.. WHAT?!  So he bought three necklaces, took them home, and hid the last one in his closet.  And 12 years later he dug out the necklace and gave it to me.

My jaw dropped when he finished the story and presented me with the necklace.  I could not get over how sweet that story was.  I mean seriously, what 12 year old boy would think that far ahead, with no particular girl in mind, just thinking to himself 'hey, that'd be great to give to my wife someday!'  Needless to say, I am a lucky lady.  

Thinking about that story gets me every time.  I am seriously amazed at the way that God provided for me with my husband.  He loves me in such a beautiful, caring, selfless, wholehearted way that it seriously throws me for a loop sometimes.  And what I really appreciate is that he gives me a glimpse of the way that God loves us.  It is hard to imagine that God loves us in an even grander, more perfect way than we could ever experience here on earth.  I am so so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with this sweet, sweet man to spend the rest of my life with and to remind me of the One who loves me even more.  

Okay, my moment of mushy gushy, cheesey lovey dovey-ness is over.  Hopefully you made it through without gagging ;) But in all seriousness, my hope for you today is that you might know that you are truly loved.  Even if you don't feel it at this moment, I promise you- there is One who loves you much more than you can possibly imagine.  

xoxo

Promises

Sitting here at my breakfast table enjoying a late breakfast, doing some reading in my Bible, I have gotten hung up on a verse.  After finishing reading Deuteronomy with my friend, I moved right on to reading Joshua.  Here's the verse that I've been thinking about.

Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.  Joshua 21:45

 I've been thinking a lot lately about God's faithfulness.  About how He is always faithful, never fails, always follows through.  This verse came as a reminder of that faithfulness to me today.  And yet it also came as a challenge.  

It's crazy to think that God keeps ALL of His promises isn't it?  But the question that really has my brain cranking today is the question of- what promises has God made to me that I don't even think about or realize?  I think so often it's easy to get caught up in our human desires, thinking about what we want and how God should be faithful to us by blessing those desires.  But that's where we have it all backwards. It's not about us and what we want Him to be faithful to us about- or what promises we want Him to make to us.  It's about us realizing the awesome promises that God has already made to us in His Word- and thinking about how they impact the way we live our lives.  

When God makes a promise He NEVER backs out, He Always fulfills it.  I love that last line of Joshua 21:45 - Every one was fulfilled.  Every single one of the promises God made to the house of Israel was fulfilled.  In the context of what's happening, Joshua is referring to the promises God made to the tribes of Israel regarding the land they are to inherit.  It's awesome to think that God is in the little things like where people are going to live.  

I think maybe the reason this verse spoke to me is because I need this reminder that God is faithful in all His promises, that every one is fulfilled.  The promise that keeps coming to my mind today is the simple promise Jesus made- "Surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."  I am not exactly sure why that is the one that comes to mind, but I am so thankful that I know with great certainty that God is going to stay true to that promise and be with me, in the thick and thin, every single day no matter what is going on in my life.  

As I continue to dwell on this verse, I want to challenge myself to think of the other promises that God reveals to us in His word.  They are such good reminders and great revelations of what the character of God is like.  If you happen to stumble across my page and have a favorite promise of God that you cling to or that encourages you, please post it in a comment.  I'd love to see how others are encouraged by God's faithfulness too.  

Until then- have a great day and remember that Every one of God's promises is fulfilled.  

Formal Complaint

I'm sitting on the floor in my bedroom with the "smoking porch" (as I call it, aka tiny tiny balcony fit for a smoker to stand out on) door wide open, just listening to the rain.  It's 1:49 in the morning and I am so so thankful for the sound of the raindrops hitting the pavement; the sound of them beating on the leaves of the trees just out my window.  It has been weeks and weeks since we have had rain.  Fires were starting all over the place.  But here again, God provides.  He knows exactly what our land needs, what we need, and he provides because He is faithful.  

Based on previous posts or the About Me section of my blog, you can see that I am a newly married woman (of already 8 months at this point).  And so you might think, "what are you doing up at almost 2 in the morning? Why aren't you in bed sleeping next to your husband?"  Well unfortunately you will find me, right next to you asking this same question; seriously why am I not in bed sleeping soundly next to my new husband?  

As I sit here listening to the beautiful sound of the rain, it is hard to, on one hand, feel so angry, and on the other hand, so appreciative and so IN LOVE with the way that God is providing this rain.  I have been doing my best to keep my frustrations at bay, and not publish them on my blog.  But at the same time, from the beginning, I told myself that the purpose of this blog would not be for the people who happen to stumble across my page, but for myself.  I started this blog as a form of creativity; a way to discover who I am in this new place as a married woman, figuring out what life looks like and what God has for me next.  With that said, I have to be honest and say that these past few months have been difficult.  

I am, what I like to call, a "work widow."  My husband works anywhere from 90-100 hours a week.  I know when you hear that you probably want to say, yeah okay miss exaggeration. And I wish I could say, "yeah you caught me".  But I can't.  I married a man who works for an investment bank.  Not the personal investment sort, but investments dealing with companies.  Basically what his company does is acts as the middle man between the companies who want to sell and the companies who want to buy another company.  In theory, it's a great job.  It pays really well, has good benefits, and good perks.  But as a newlywed wife who wants to see her husband, it is about time I file a "formal complaint."  

Now I wish I was filing a formal complaint with his company.  Trust me, there have been so many times where I have played over and over in my head the scenario of me telling off his boss, or pictured and planned out how I would write a book that would expose how ridiculous and how inhumane this position is.  There have been so many times, especially in the past month where I have thought- "I can't do this anymore, something has to change with this job or it is seriously going to start affecting our marriage."  Let's just say that right now is one of those times.  

So as I sit here, with the door open, listening to the comforting sound of the rain and the thunder, and the beautiful flashes of lightning, I wonder to myself- how is God going to provide in my situation?  I have so much pent up frustration and disgust with the way that the business world works today... it makes me SO angry sometimes.  I have gotten into many discussions about how the business world works, about the crazy demands that people have on each other, and how it must be SO FAR away from what God intends for us that it makes me CRAZY.  

All in all, I am not sure what the point of this post is.  I don't want to talk a bunch of crap about my husband's job or about the situation I am in.  I love him to death, and I am so thankful for what we have in our lives.  But in all honesty, I am so so frustrated.  I know that God loves me, that God loves us and that he created marriage to be a beautiful thing where husband and wife get to see each other and enjoy spending time together and love on each other... but I also know that this is a fallen world.  There are many things that mess up the beautiful picture that God created this place to be.  

And so the question I ask is, what should I do from here?  Just like God provided the much needed rain tonight, I know that He will provide exactly what my husband and I need.  But in the mean time, what am I supposed to do... sit tight, waiting for the clouds to form and the drops of rain to fall?  If so, then okay- that's all I need to know.  Sometimes all we need is that promise of rain- the forecast in the weather saying, "Yes, IT IS GOING TO RAIN" for us to hang in there and wait, even if it doesn't happen right when they predict.  

That's what I feel I need.  That simple encouragement that things will get better.  That it won't always be like this.  That my righteous anger, my "formal complaint" against the business world and the ungodly way that they conduct the industry, is not in vain.  God is good.  We have a God who provides, who is faithful NO MATTER WHAT- of that I am confident.  My prayer right now is that the rain would come quickly.  That I would have an understanding, an encouragement that this time of frustration would have a foreseeable end, and that I would have nothing but patience and LOVE to extend to my husband even in the moments where all I feel is sadness.  

To those of you fellow "work widows" out there- I am praying for you.  You are not alone.  God is good and He will make it right.  

What is your calling?

Today I was talking with a dear friend of mine about the infamous question "What is your calling?" I don't know about you, but I feel like it is one of those questions that you are asked a ton- especially right around college graduation and into your twenties as you're still figuring life out (and this could be longer, but I can only speak for the twenties so far). Yes, sure- this question could take many forms... What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do with your life? What kind of job do you want? What is your "blue sky" dream? (That was my favorite version of the question- like if you could do ANYTHING what would it be?)

I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with that question. When I am talking with a good friend about this question it can be a bit more fun. It's like an opportunity to think about your dreams, about what you might want to do if there were no limits. But when that rando person, way extended relative asks, so "what is your calling?" Sometimes I just want to roll my eyes, give a heavy sigh, and maybe even punch them in the face. Okay not really- but still. That question is such a tricky one isn't it?

When I graduated college- I had no idea what I wanted to do. I chose a major and minor that I loved. I was a Religion major and a French minor at a private liberal arts college. Put those two areas of study and what do you get? Well- other than me, I'm not sure. It definitely doesn't lead directly into a field like a teacher or a nurse does.

But there is one aspect of that infamous question that I have known my entire life, and that is living my life to love the Lord. When I was really little and people would ask the question "What do you want to do/be when you grow up?" I would always answer- well, I want to do something for God and I want to help people. To be honest, I'd like to (and still do) respond like this today. Really, nothing has changed in that answer. The only thing that has changed is, well I've grown up a bit, and my understanding of what living for God looks like has grown. 

The one calling that I know for certain is a part of my being is, being called to follow Jesus. After this, everything else comes second- or at least it should. In the midst of my weird place of transition, I think I have somehow allowed this understanding to become a little cloudy. Following Jesus is one of those things that in theory is "simple". Our goal is to seek the Lord, understand Him more and learn to love like Him- sounds simple (in theory). But then you throw in the icky ways of the world that tempt us, that we get sucked into and it all gets jumbled; we get confused, we get distracted, lazy, or just lose sight of what our first goal in life must always be.

So then what is my calling? Yes, it is to live to love like Jesus- and to share that love with others so that they might learn to love Him too. I understand that, I really do. But the beautiful thing is that we can do that with with any profession; so that's where I get confused. Straight out of college I went to work for a church. I worked with the college ministry and LOVED it. It challenged me, it made me take my faith super seriously, it made me who I am right now. But now, here I am, in a new place in life and asking that question all over again.

Over these past months, I think I've been too busy being either in denial or just plain lazy, afraid to admit the fact that I have no idea what's next- no idea where I'm being called. I haven't thought about the question seriously, haven't sought out the Lord's direction for me. Sure I've had some random thoughts, kind of out there ideas like starting my own Nail Art business (as you can see I have a blast with nail art), opening a shoe store, etc.  Besides those ideas, I'm a bit clueless right now.  So this is me, admitting to you that I think it's time to start asking that question again. I don't expect for immediate answers- definitely not, but I think I'm willing to start the adventure, to allow myself to dream big, and to trust that God will be right here with me helping me figure out what's next, whether its a big step or a small one.

Have you found where God is calling you for now? Or are you searching, just like me? Hang in there. God has a plan for this world, and He wants us to be a part of it. We just have to be willing to ride out the wave while we figure out what's next.