I don’t know about you, but when I’m in the midst of a situation like the world’s current status, and I feel like I have zero control, I step into hairy scary micromanage mode. In an attempt to overcompensate for my lack of power at large, I work to control every little thing I can get my hands on.
Here’s a peek of my control attempts within the last week:
stay home as much as possible
get groceries delivered
wipe down all the groceries delivered
order supplements to stay healthy
take said supplements
clean the house, again and again and again
tell my parents to stay home – then check in to make sure they actually are
talk to my sister and brother-in-law to make sure they’re staying home
try to force the entire family to do everything I’m doing (oops)
order extra cat food so I only have to go out once
the list goes on and on
All of these things, in and of themselves, are all well and good – but here’s when I recognized an issue.
Yesterday, I had a difficult decision to make. I have a tricky body with chronic pain. In a usual month I see my chiropractor, physical therapist, and a masseuse. Well, given the current status of this world, what would normally be a simple trip to the chiropractor to quiet my aching neck, became an anxious-filled, exhausting decision.
As I weighed the pros and cons, considered the risk, the importance of staying home, and waffled back and forth questioning what was best for my body, my anxiety rose. So I thought about how I could control the situation.
If I go, I could… go bright and early before other patients, ask my chiropractor to spray the tables in front of me, bring a towel to put my face on versus her table, try not to touch anything, change my clothes right away, wash them, and shower as soon as I get home. Control. Control. Control. After lots of consideration about all the ways I could make this appointment a safe choice, I came to the point where I felt okay with the decision of moving forward. Yet, I still felt really anxious.
In the middle of the night, as I tossed and turned, I recognized what the problem was – even with intentional and calculated actions, I feel like I have zero control over what is happening in the world around me. And that is unsettling.
On my way to the chiropractor, my full, careful plan in motion, I reached out to a friend asking for prayer; and she spoke the most encouraging and convicting prayer over me. She said, “May the safety you feel be more from being God’s daughter than how you’ve set yourself up to be safe.” Mic drop.
When it comes to this crazy world we are currently living in with COVID-19, we have two choices:
Try to control every single thing we can get our hands on, panic when we lose our grip, and end up exhausted, frustrated, and anxious
Do what we can, be intentional and play our part in staying home as much as possible, but RELINQUISH CONTROL to our amazing God who is before all things and in Him all things hold together Col 1:17
When I walked out of my appointment, my anxiety whooshed away – not just because of how careful my chiropractor was (seriously large shout out to how she is caring for her patients), but because instead of gripping onto control, and fearing what might happen if everything didn’t go according to my plan, I put my trust in the Lord who holds the entire world in His loving hands.
We have an awesome God who is our refuge, our ever-present help in trouble, our Father who sent His son to die and be raised again so that we might have such a close relationship in which we get to rely on Him. Because of who He is, we don’t have to try to muscle through this time. We can do our best and trust that Our Protector will be true to His word and bring light into this darkness, no matter how gloom and doom it may seem.
What does this level of relinquishing control look like practically?
For me it means:
Be smart and make smart choices (stay home as much as possible, and consider the risk and those involved when I have to go out)
Speak truth in love to my family and friends
Pray over the world, the leaders, the healthcare workers, and the COVID-19 virus
LEAVE THE REST in His strong and capable hands
This is not easy, friends. These are especially trying times for all of us. But we get to make smart, intentional choices – not just with washing our hands 100 times a day – but by releasing control and finding refuge in our Heavenly Father minute after minute after minute.
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P.S. Huge shout out to my chiropractor, Dr. Jamie Mabeus at Full Motion Chiropractic, who is open for business through the order, and has chosen to continue to serve those who need her. She is not taking this lightly and had the appointment down to a science – she is a private practice, so she adjusted it so only one person is in her office at a time, door locked. She wiped down EVERYTHING, washed her hands constantly, and took as many extra precautions as she could to care for the people that she has so graciously stayed open to care for. Let’s not forget people like Dr. Jamie, who are loving us and caring for us through this time.