Sensitivity is not a weakness

Last week I took my cat, Finn, to the vet for his yearly wellness appointment only to return early the next morning upon discovering he had an allergic reaction to his vaccination.   Sitting in the waiting room while the vet administered a Benadryl shot, I made small talk with the receptionist.  With a somewhat snarky tone she said, “well, sometimes pets can sense when their owner is sensitive and then they play into it…” Nodding along politely, I thought to myself, “First of all, no.  That’s not the case.  Second of all, why is sensitivity always viewed as a bad thing?” 

Over the last five years, I’ve been struggling with a lot of weird things with my body.  If I don’t have enough water my right eye will twitch. If I wear a cross body purse over my left shoulder for hours my pectorals clamp like a vice around my clavicle.  If I keep my shoulders shrugged and type with my computer on my lap, the muscles in my forearm tighten around my ulnar nerve leaving me with a condition called golfer’s elbow.  I have a sensitive body.  It’s been an interesting and often frustrating (and painful) journey, but what I’ve discovered is, there are two ways of looking at sensitivity.

1. Negatively - My body is sensitive – meaning I am weak, fragile and delicate.
2. Positively - My body is sensitive – meaning I can become very aware of what my body needs

For who knows what reason, it seems that our culture heavily tends towards negative sensitivity like the first example.  Even Merriam-Webster claims the simple definition of sensitive as, “easily upset by the things people think or say about you.”  But is that really what it means?  I don’t think it is.  I believe that sensitivity is all about awareness – and the way we respond to it is what determines whether it is positive or negative. 

If I know that working at my desk and improving my posture as I type reduces stress on my forearm and decreases the painful effects of golfer’s elbow– then I can either choose to respond negatively, “UGH stupid delicate body! Why can’t I work from my comfy couch like a ‘normal’ person!!!” - OR - I can respond positively and say, “okay- this is good to know.  Now that I am aware of what my body needs, I will work at my desk so my arms may become comfortable and pain-free.”

Right now, I am clinging to positive sensitivity; partly because I don't want to be frustrated all the time, but mostly because I think it’s incredibly powerful.  Being more aware of my body has given me a unique opportunity to learn how to strengthen it in the way that it needs. And the same goes in relation to others.  The more sensitive I am to others’ feelings, the better I can decipher when my sister needs an extra hug, a glass of wine, or an appropriately timed gut-wrenching laugh. 

I don't think the word "sensitive" deserves the negative vibe that follows it around. I'd love to free it from its shadow and shed some light on its power because whether we allow it to be a weakness or a strength is completely up to us.  Instead of feeling judged by the vet tech, next time I want to respond with gratitude and say, “aww thank you – you are so right!  I am sensitive!  I am very aware of my sweet kitty and how he’s feeling.  I know him so well that I knew he was sick and needed to come in.”  Sensitivity isn't something to be ashamed of, it's an attribute to be proud of.  

If you, like me, consider yourself sensitive – rock on.  That means you are aware of yourself – you understand what makes you tick, you know what makes you happy – and my guess is, you’re pretty good at reading people.  Own that and use it for good.  Together, let’s transform sensitivity and use it to be better lovers of ourselves and others.   

- image by Roost Photography - 
@roostmke

Pursuing Transformation: To be a better friend

If you’ve been following along, you know that I am in the middle of a little series about Pursuing Transformation. It started with this proclamation that I made back in January, pinpointing five areas of my life where I want to see growth in 2015 - and now I'm checking in with each area, sharing where I'm at and encouraging you to do the same.

This week I’m onto my fourth goal – to be a better friend. So far, I feel the least prepared to write an update on this one.

Friendships continue to remain a mystery to me. And honestly still a struggle. Here’s the thing: I really struggle with friendships when they unexpectedly take a turn for a different direction or fall right off the map. It’s happened to me time and time again where I’m super good friends with someone (not just acquaintances- but actual know each other’s deep feelings, thoughts, histories kind of friends) and for no reason that I’m aware of, something switches. Phone calls disappear, text messages remain unanswered, and the once strong bond that made our friendship so beautiful weakens – and with no explanation even when pursued.

I understand that relationships are not easy, that yes there is some truth to the cliché statement of friends are in your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime – but when it feels like someone just ups and leaves your life for no apparent reason and doesn’t have the guts to tell you why they’ve decided to cut you out, that hurts.

I’m a, for lack of a better term, “no shit” kind of gal. If I am struggling with something, I’m not just going to harbor it, talk behind your back and wait until four frustrations later when I finally blow up in your face. If there’s an issue, I want to talk about it and work through it right away, together– with love, and with grace. Being able to be up front with each other, to be honest, and love each other through confrontation brings huge value and trust to a relationship. And I think that’s what makes relationships strong.

But this post isn’t supposed to be about the bitterness that I am still working on in my heart, it’s about how I am going to challenge myself and my role in the friendships that I have. One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 4:15 – it says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ.” The reason I first fell in love with this verse was because I felt like it was a positive encouragement for healthy confrontation. Encouraging us to speak the truth to each other, bringing up hard conversations, but in a loving manner. And I very much still love it for that reason. But what I’ve been thinking about more lately is a slightly different perspective of the challenge to speak truth in love.

Dealing with all these friendship struggles, the silver lining through it all is that I’ve become so much more thankful for the relationships that I do have. It’s made me realize just how thankful I am for the friends who have stuck it out with me through it all, and it makes me want to tell them just how great I think they are. And that’s what I think the second aspect of speaking the truth in love is, to communicate how much we appreciate each other – to speak that truth in love.

Just as important as it is to be honest about frustrations, it’s even more important to share how valuable I think my friends are, how kind, how encouraging, how much of a huge blessing their friendship is in my life. How often do you go through weeks, months, years, without saying – “hey, you know what? I am so thankful that you are my friend. I really think you are amazing”? Do you tell your friends how much you appreciate them and the way that they wear temporary tattoos with you even though you’re 29 years old? Or tell them how great it is that they care about what you’re doing, encourage you to chase your dreams, giggle together over a glass of wine, play Heads Up in the middle of a restaurant or go to Sephora 1700 times and walk around for way too long. I don’t know about you, but my answer is not enough.

I want to be a friend who is willing to speak truth lovingly in confrontational situations, but even more so I want to be a friend who is known for telling you how loved you are. I want to be a friend who is caring, encouraging, honest, invested, intentional and present through thick and thin. I think that’s what God calls us to be isn’t it? To be a community of men and women who really truly care about each other and communicate that love!

That’s how I want to be a better friend. I want the people in my life to know how thankful I am for them, and I’m looking forward to showing them.

If you, too, have awesome friends in your life, maybe you want to join me in telling them. Shoot a text message, send a fun card, a lil email, or maybe even give them a call and actually say the words! Let’s be a community known for speaking the truth in love, both in the good and in the bad.

Xo

Pursuing Transformation: Giving more of myself to the Lord

One of my favorite verses comes from 2 Corinthians 3:18 as it says,“And we all, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” It gets me all sorts of excited when I think about these words that teach us that we are being transformed into His likeness. I love that it’s not a past tense or a future tense, but a present- are being transformed. There’s something so encouraging, so challenging and so exciting about this.

I love this truth so much that I decided to make it my anthem and my goal for this year- to pursue transformation. In the beginning of January I made this proclamation and explained five different ways that I want to grow- to be able to look back and pinpoint that I have been transformed more into His likeness. Being that we are now halfway through the year (what?!?!), I want to revisit my goals and see how I'm doing.   

Transformation isn’t like the lovely crockpot that is brewing up my habenero beef tostadas for dinner tonight, with the “set it and forget it” mentality.  Instead it's a challenging sometimes gut-wrenching process that needs to be monitored, prodded, encouraged and pursued with each and every step.  Just like toning up those biceps in the gym, it takes intentionality and follow-through (but it's so rewarding!).  So, for the next few weeks I am going to touch base with each of my growth areas, not just for me to see where I’m at, but to hopefully encourage you to keep challenging yourself in the areas you’d like to grow as well. 

My first goal was “Above all else, I want to give myself more to the Lord – to be transformed into a better reflection of Him. To dig deeper into His word and come out knowing more about Him and understanding how I can be a better communicator of His love.”

This is the most important one on my list and there is always much, much room for improvement here. I have made definite progress in giving myself more to Him by giving Him my dreams.  Making this choice day in and day out has been so rewarding, giving me great joy and more freedom as I give Him the power to guide me.  On the other hand, I have not been as successful in my efforts at digging deeper into His word. I seriously don't know what the catch is there- it’s not a difficult thing. I love to read, I’m all about words (clearly), but for whatever reason I am still terrible at daily Bible reading!!! It’s SO SIMPLE. Insert angry/annoyed emoticon.  There’s no excuse.  I need to start… today.  I am going to start by reading a Psalm a day (encouraged by our pastor Matt in church this Sunday) to build a habit of being in the word.  Once I build that habit back up a little bit, I’d like to add another book of the Bible in the mix- maybe one I haven’t spent much time in before, like Daniel or something.  For some reason I feel in the mood to be in the Old Testament; any suggestions of a favorite book to dig into?

I have a really hopeful expectation for this year, and I really do want be able to look back and see growth.  God created us to be reflections of His glory, but we need to do our part – by His power, let’s be transformed. 

Want to join me in this? I’d love to hear how your pursuit for transformation in 2015 is happening- please share with me!If you’re a fellow blogger we could even start a link up! Let’s be transformational ya’ll! 

Pursuing transformation in 2015

Sometimes the thought of planning something for New Years can be quite intimidating as it is supposed to be an amazing night.  But it seems to be the times that you don't try to plan much, that everything just falls right into place and everyone has a great time.  This, was one of those years.  We had a really lovely celebration as we spent time with friends munching on snacks and appetizers, popping a little bubbly, enjoying a few cocktails and as with any good party we played some fun-filled (and somewhat competitive) board games and had to throw in a good ole college game of flip cup (not going to lie, it's still fun).

But now, all the bubbly has been popped, glasses cleaned and put away, the snacks have found their rightful place in our bellies, the games are stored away until next time, and the happy tiredness that follows a great celebration has ensued.  The end of 2014 has come and gone and it's time to gear up for another year.

I have a good feeling and high hopes for 2015.  After spending some time reflecting on 2014, I found myself hopeful as I looked forward to thinking of goals that I might like to set for the coming year.  Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with goals and picking ones that might be realistic (cause no one likes making a list that never gets crossed off).  But as I've been thinking about the goals I might have for this year, I want to take the pressure off a little bit by making them less about specific things that I need to do, and more about ways that I want to grow in the next year.

Living a life in Christ, our lives are all about transformation - about becoming more and more like Christ as we take off the old self and put on the new as we are made new in the image of our creator.  This thought always excites me.  Who doesn't want to be transformed into a better version of themselves!!?

With that said, I want this year to be one of transformation. At the end of 2015, I want to look back and be able to pinpoint all sorts of ways that I have grown and been transformed more into His likeness.  Here's a few ways that I hope to transform my life in 2015.

1. Above all else, I want to give myself more to the Lord- to be transformed into a better reflection of Him.  I want to dig deeper into His word and come out knowing more about Him and understanding how I can be a better communicator of his Love. 
2. To become a stronger and healthier person.  Spending time with a physical therapist (who happens to be really amazing) for some pain in my lower back and previously for a clavicle injury, I have learned just how important it is to maintain good posture in everything we do and to strengthen the core muscles that support our body.  I want to continue to practice good posture and be actively strengthening my body so that I can not just keep the pains away, but have a stronger healthier body.  (P.S. Did I mention I started YOGA??  I had this on my to-do list forever ago, and I finally went and I love it.  This is going to be a big part of this transformation goal.)
3. To become a better writer.  I want to actively pursue ways that I can grow in my writing abilities and further use them for the glory of the Lord.  Ways that I intend to do this are: blog more consistently (even when I don't feel like it), help others edit their writing whenever I can, read lots, and pray more intentionally about how God might want to use this gift.  
4. To be a better friend.  As I shared in my looking back on 2014 post, this past year was a difficult one for me in regards to friendships.  I have hopes that 2015 will be one of restoring and reconciling disconnected relationships.  
5. Invest in building a stronger marriage.  It is so easy to flow through life with my sweet husband by my side (which is amazing) but I want to focus on how we can better our relationship.  To learn more about each other, discover how to better support each other, to communicate better, and bring more joy into each other's days. Overall, I want to strengthen our marriage.  Just as I  want to be transformed into Christ's likeness, I also want our marriage to be a strong reflection of His love.  I am really looking forward to pursuing transformation in our marriage-  I'm excited to learn more about my husband and I also think lots of fun dates will be involved.  

5 days into January I am feeling pretty hopeful about this new year, and am praying that my positive attitude and desire to make progress in each area of transformation would continue as the year moves on.  As you, too, set hopes and goals for 2015, please let me know how I can be an encouragement or help remind you of the goals you are reaching for.  And please, if you feel lead, do so for me too! The Lord gave us community so that we may encourage one another and build each other up- and this is just one great way that we can do that.  

Cheers to a wonderful 2014 and a hope, joy, and transformation-filled 2015.  

xoxo

--- linking up with The Tiny Twig -Goals with Grace ---

--image by Marissa Maharaj--