how to find peace when your worries are overwhelming

April was a difficult month for me. If you follow me on social media, you may have seen my Instagram stories where I shared about how the last month was a dark cloud brought on largely by uncomfortable, undiagnosed pain in my tailbone. I couldn't sit, it hurt to sleep, and the fear-filled anxiety of what might be happening in my body was unbearable.

On a particularly difficult day, I sobbed for 25 minutes. Tears poured down my cheeks, I muffled a scream into my arm, and I took deep guttural breaths in my husband's shoulder. [Seriously, thank the Lord for my precious husband who, poor thing looked a bit shell-shocked, held me tight and prayed for relief.]

I was exhausted from the pain, and even more so from the panic-filled worry about what might be going on with my body. Something had to give.

Ironically, this week was also my birthday. 

I wasn't feeling super hopeful about it being a happy day; I was pretty sure it'd be yet another day plagued by my tailbone. Until my husband gave me a challenge. He said, "Your job, is to not worry about your tailbone on your birthday. You can pick up your worries the next day, but for this one day, I'm asking you to lay them down." 

I'm a girl who is all for a challenge, and desperate for a bit of escape from my worries, I said, "heck yes!" Let's do this. 

For my entire birthday, I handed my worries over to the Lord and kept my mind away from thoughts about my tailbone. If worries creeped in, I reminded myself, "nope, you can pick that up tomorrow." And it was life-giving. I laughed, I relaxed, I enjoyed sweet company with my family, and I was incredibly joyful. It was a gift.

And now it's your turn. 

A challenge for you

I'd like to challenge you to lay down your heaviest worry for one day.

Here's how.

1. Think of your biggest concern - the thought that fills most of your worries, and write it down somewhere. Be specific.

2. Set a time that you can re-visit the thought. Again be specific. I recommend 24 hours, but if that sounds too hard, start small. Try 2 hours or 4 hours.

3. Tell someone. Ask them to hold you accountable to not visiting this thought.

4. If the thought pops in your head during your break, do two things:

   1. Say, "I'm not touching it with my mind."

   2. Recite this breath prayer. 
      Say, "I trust you Lord" on an inhale. 
      "I leave this concern in your hands" on an exhale.

5. Count the fruit. After your set time is up, take note and count the fruit. How did you feel? More joyful? Less anxious? Do you feel lighter now?

I am 100% confident that if you complete this challenge, you will experience peace. And here's why; this practice challenges us to leave our concerns in the Lord's strong, capable hands.

While this month was incredibly difficult for me, it taught me so much about the life-giving beauty of leaning COMPLETELY on the Lord. Never have I ever felt like I literally had no choice other than to rely wholly on the Lord to relieve my pain, frustration, and anxiety; but now that I've tasted the freedom that comes from this kind of dependence on Him, I hope I never go back.

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” - Luke 12:25

Typically, this verse makes me want to roll my eyes. Ugh yes I know worrying isn't helpful. But in taking my husband's challenge and giving up my worries for a full day, I was reminded of how incredibly true these words are. 

Worrying does not add any hours to our life. It doesn't help our circumstance. It doesn't help us solve the mystery we are thinking about or worst case scenario we are trying to plan our way through. And it most certainly does not increase our level of peace. But handing it over to the Lord does.  

If you experienced any level of peace during this challenge, let me tell you something exciting. This is the kind of freedom we can experience every single day IF we give our worries over to the Lord. 

He is loving, He is capable, and He wants to carry our burden. So let's let Him! 

Take my challenge.

Give your worries to the Lord.

Count the fruit. 

A real, scary taste of motherhood

Last week I got a real, scary taste of motherhood. Before the rumors start circulating, No, I’m not pregnant (unlike everyone else and their mom who seems to have drank the same baby-making water). Go ahead and call me crazy cat lady, but my scary taste of motherhood has to do with being a kitty mama. Let’s be real, Finn is my baby. I can already picture my sister reading this and rolling her eyes or faking a “puke in my hands” sort of motion- but really, he is! We adopted him a year and a half ago and he instantly became a big part of our little family. He cuddles with me when Chris is busy at work, he greets me at the door (he’s part dog), he brings joy when his tail gets all puffy because I caught him off guard when I came around the corner, or the way he chases his favorite purple ball and meows when he wants to be picked up- he’s my little furr baby!

Coming home from bible study last Wednesday with no greeting at the door, and walking in to find him in his bed unable to fully open his eyes or walk without slumping over- I knew something was wrong and I was terrified. Having just taken him into the vet earlier that day noticing that he was walking a little funny and having been told that it was just an injury from playing too hard (don’t even get me started on the misdiagnosis that plays into this whole scenario), I was completely caught off guard as this shouldn’t have been happening. Chris walked in the door just a few minutes later (praise God) and found me holding our limp kitty with eyes that couldn’t focus and legs that couldn’t support him.  Trying not to panic, we loaded him into the car and rushed off to the Animal Hospital.

The vet quickly went into “go mode” telling us that he had a urinary blockage and if he didn’t act fast and determine how bad the situation was, it could become quite serious. Suddenly I was handed a document with words like “do not resuscitate” or “take any action required” and as soon as it landed in my hand, Chris snatched it out of my hand because he knew I could not handle this. Tears instantly poured down my face, okay that’s an understatement- I went into sloppy tears and quick, short breath cry-mode, with a very sad attempt to keep it together, as I faced the unfortunate reality that there was a chance I might be going home without a kitty.

Getting home at midnight and waiting anxiously for the vet to call and give us good news, I jokingly said to Chris, “welp, looks like we’re never having kids.” I was a hot mess. When the phone rang an hour and a half later, we took a deep breath and prepared ourselves for who knows what news we were about to receive. As soon as the words “everything went really well” and “this is the best scenario that it could be” came out of the vet’s mouth, tears of joy ran down my cheeks and peace overwhelmed my anxious heart.

Praise the Lord I can say that God provided for us, and with much thanks to the amazing ER doctor, he saved our kitty. After staying in the hospital for a few days with a catheter and IV, the staff treated his infection and got him ready to go home with us. Now having him home for a few days and watching him recover and return to his peppy, loving self, still with a bit of crazy cat mom worries and “is he okay Chris?” moments, I am so so thankful for the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness in this situation.

I cannot believe how much I learned in the past 7 days. Not only did I realize how much I love this little creature, but it gave me an insanely real taste for motherhood and a brand new appreciation for parents. I mean shoot, I can’t even imagine how much of a mess I would be had this been my child?!  Although I was joking when I said, “and now we’re never having kids” – there’s an element of truth that exists in that statement because if I’m being super honest- being a mom terrifies me.  Lord willing, I feel like being a mom is part of my future, but it is going to take an army of prayer warriors, and a giant leap of faith and increase in trust in the Lord to make me ready.

I am a born and raised worry wart- I struggle with anxiety, I struggle with giving my fears to the Lord- it’s something I work on daily, have learned a TON about, but still need to constantly give over to the Lord. I have learned time and time again that His faithfulness is evident in even the most seemingly insignificant situations; but, I still need to be continually reminded that with every step of my life, whether with kitties or kiddies, my trust MUST be placed in Him in order for me to move forward. 

Although this situation was terrifying, and I don’t care to repeat it, I can wholly say that God’s word is true when it says that He uses every situation for our good. I’ve mentioned to a few people, usually somewhat kidding, that Finn is good prep for having kids someday; but really, there is no joke about it. Raising this kitty, loving him through his issues as a kitten and this health scare, I have already learned so much about what is going to be required of me when I become a mother. I am so so thankful that God uses even the most obscure situations to teach us, to shape us, to transform us, and to love us into trusting Him more and more.

God is so good. He really does deserve so much praise- so thank you Lord for loving me, for saving me, and for my sweet sweet kitty!

Praying that wherever you’re at, whether you’ve got a crazy situation on your hands or you’re resting peacefully in the goodness that God has given you, that you can give him more and more of your Trust. He’s so good- He deserves it.

Xo